perceptive projection

hate monday.

hate. hate. hate it.

among other things. 

Because of the previous entry, of how many people out there are lack of manners, I decide to write down some pointers for people to interact with others in decent ways.

Basic manners:

- When you stay at other people's place, make the bed after you wake up,

  pick up after yourself, don't litter, take off your shoes once you enter

  the house.

- And if you have a houseguest, it is never okay to wake up later than

  nine a.m., no matter how hard a night you have on the previous

  evening. 

- Keep yourself clean at all times especially when you spend

  a lot of time in public within close distance with other people.

- When you need a favor from someone, it is your job to call that person

  not the other way around.

- Keep your mouth from smelling bad.

- Look people on the eyes when you talk to them.

- When you travel with a group of people, don't be absorbed by

  video games, it is rude.

- Open the door for people especially if you are stronger or

  younger than people you are with.

- Speak clearly, with good intonation.

- Respect people's space.  

- Guys, pick up the tab when you wine and dine a female, it is

  a nice thing to do and it is always a plus point.

- Guys, when you walk with female companions, always walk

  on the outside, when crossing the street always on the side

  of the oncoming traffic.

- Girls, it is never good to laugh like a hyena no matter how funny

  you find your companion is. 

- It is not polite to burb loudly in public, in a group.

- Cover your mouth politely when you yawn, you are not in

  the business sucking in flies into your mouth.

- Always confirm your appointments especially if it involves

  other people, all the more so if you are the originator of

  the appointment.

more later.

In the past, I'd always known as to what gifts to give to so and so as presents, either for birthday or christmas or any other gift-giving occasion. I had never had a problem in deciding on that matter, even for the male gender, at any age. This because all of my presents were not only tasteful but they were also carefully thought out and considered. Not only money got invested in each present, sometimes a lot of money, but also time, energy, sometimes feeling. At any case, no present meant less for me.

This all however before I met mr. analyst.

I had problem in trying to find gifts for mr. analyst simply because the longer I knew mr. analyst the less and less he deserved my gifts, at least not the ones I put so much of myself in.

Personally, he confounded me or rather his personality.

I wasn't saying that he had a bad personality. In fact, he had a nice personality, meaning that he didn't go out to hurt people and he'd help you if you were in trouble and he could help. But truly it was his manners that bothered me. Not that he wasn't polite because he was. Yet, he was so "self-absorbed" to the point that it breached all etiquette of social interaction with people who were close to him.

It was the little things that grated the nerve, this was one of those instances, other sample was that some time ago I agreed to let him stay over at my place for a couple days if/when they were fixing his place, this whole topic itself was vague as to exactly when, then finally a month later some dates came up, but still wasn't definitely, then suddenly on the very same day, I got sms from him, telling me that he'd come to my place that day. I, of course, didn't rescind my offer. But I was pissed to no end, and I told him that little confirmation would be nice. What if I had plan that evening and I had to cancel out because I'd need to let him get in to the place and it wasn't that we didn't keep in contact days before that, in fact, the day before we were communicating with each other but there was not once he mentioned that he was going to come over the next day. And I told him it wasn't my job to reconfirm it was his since he was the one who needed the favor, and it'd be a thoughtful thing to do.

Not only that, he thought he could come as late as he wanted, like midnight or eleven, etc. This I told him loud and clear, if you wanted to stay over you had to come over before ten p.m. I am not in the habit of receiving guests after ten p.m., I don't even accept/make phone calls after ten unless it is very important. 

Then during his stay, after he left, he didn't even have the decency to make the bed, leaving it all messy and such. My place was not a hotel, and your host happened to not like cleaning! *(#$%$*!

These were merely examples of what bothered me. Then I found out that this was not only him. There were others who were like that, socially inept, some of my other friends experienced the same thing. Then I noticed it seemed common in America. The "me" society. the individualistic society that think only "I" matter. "I" do as "I" please regardless with the others.

And this society combined with how parents raised their children these days, no wonder these crop of self-absorbed people cropped up.

In every old culture in the world, the saying, it takes a village to raise a child, existed. And it existed not for nothing. Because the best time of anyone to learn how to be a social being was when they were small. Children had an amazing capacity to learn things like a sponge. So, by living in a village, they could learn all kind of interaction, no question about parent-child relationship, but also siblings, also with other children, also with other elders, also watched how men interact with other men, how they treat women, how the women interact with men, with other women, how the leader of the village interact with the rest of the people, how people listen and behave in a society pretty much. Children learned the multi-personalities found in such setting and how to interact and deal with all of them.

And here, with the many single parent abound and rising, no wonder the children screwed up. Let's face it, no matter how good you think you were or capable, but you still are only one person, and unless you had multiple personalities, which another unhealthy issue entirely, you can never manifest yourself as if you are a village. You are only one person, and how you interact with others are all based on your personality, not others', and your children then only learn a pov of one person.

Combined that with the parent's lack of skill in instructing the children how to socialize, well, then you'd have people who were like mr. analyst, nice but self-absorbedly clueless and without regards about others. And this of course, if you were lucky. Too many occasions, you got a crop of people who were actually really bad, and could call Hannibal Lecter as sibling. 

These type people, really didn't deserve my gifts.

Dear journal,

August will be a good month.

It is befitting.

Dear journal,

What do people want to be immortal is beyond me.

When someone asks whether I am being sincere about the thought of living forever never crossed my mind, that I never want it at all, I can tell them sincerely that I really don't.

I never want to live forever. Living beyond forty or fifty is already absolutely too long.

I don't want to have children to pass on something of myself. And this thought isn't new. When the first time that thought came about, I was either eleven or twelve. I have always told the men who are interested in marrying me, Alpha, RK, Omega, Nippon-san, married guy, about this fact very early on in the relationship. I don't want to li to anyone about this. Actually, this very reason is mostly why RK and I didn't continue to the next step, that us being of different race and would be difficult to be accepted in each other's family wasn't that bad of a reason. But we both realize that his family would never forgive him if he intentionally doesn't procreate the next generation for them, that'd be the last straw that you just don't cross.

I don't want to have my name to be remembered for eternity beyond my own lifetime.

I don't even like to have my pictures being taken and recorded.  

I just don't have these cravings in me.

And not only I, who think this way, I was once accused that I live my life as if a ghost, leaving no print behind. And frankly, with the earth/world as it is right now, I don't really want to print any mark. It is embarrassing. Unless of course, the people who currently live in my time were the ones who built the likes of hanging garden, the library of Alexandria, the colosseum, things of spectacular beauty that when you gazed at them made you believe of miracles and greatness. Not war, not guns, not ugly military cars, not Bush's face on tv, the these that make me even want to be gone sooner. 

Immortality is none other a human's most selfish want.

And while I do have a huge ego and can be selfish like the rest of the population, but my selfishness never goes in that direction. 

Achtung! Achtung! Geben sie mir geld! 

Laughing like a loon was the respond I got from the person to which that sentence was addressed to.

Disappointing really.

Dear journal,

I stumbled upon conversation in which the topic was about behaviour. A vast topic, I know. And indeed the conversation roved in every which way possible, from usual social behaviour, including basic polite manners in society, to behaviour within family. And somehow I ended up being a case study.

I am the most well-mannered, well-behave person anyone would probably come across to in their lifetime. Not only my manners are impeccable, I don't curse. I don't screech ever even when angry. I don't scream. My tonal is always well-modulated in a pleasant way. I walk gracefully. I stand very straight. I sit properly anywhere, in public, in private, no one would be able see my panty unless I want them to. I take off my shoes the moment I enter my home/place, never in my life I wear shoes onto the bed, even in heat of passion, shoes stay off bed. I care about my appearance in every way.

No one would be able to slight me regarding my manners, not even my own family, and for years and years no one had never tried.

And there is the matter of behaving with a significant other in the family. This has always been an astonishing phenomenon for my long time friends [and to the shock of some of my boyfriend du jour when they got to meet the family]. To many people who know me well enough, not even close, I am also probably one of the most affectionate people they have every met. 

And one of my best friends declared, I am the kitten princess girlfriend any guy could ever have because I love hugs and touches and caresses like they wouldn't believe and very demanding about them. 

But, in front of my family, this site of me suddenly would be minimized 90% if not more.

I came from a true chinese family. Not only that, my patriach family could be traced at least a thousand years back, there were some royal shoots in the branches of family tree. Royal or not, however, the branch to which I am directly related to, had always been the family line to which many relations deferred to, those relations could be richer or more successful than my branch of the family but my family branch was the venerated one, the "Elder" so to speak, in which they'd always turn to, invite to attend, etc. 

To most people who thought chinese people are loud, noisy, without manners, have never met the chinese that are like my family. Ours are the ones you see in martial art movies, the chow yun fat of the movies, those family whose members are reserved, quiet, educated in all things/aspects of life, whose faces emotionless.

In my "big" family, when we eat, our utensils don't make sound, if you use spoon, the spoon doesn't clang with the bowl even when they touch. When we munch, there is no sound also. The elders will speak, but the younger ones don't interrupt and speak only spoken to.

Shoes are not used inside the house, doesn't mean you go barefoot, sandals are used instead, there are sandals for guests.

Music is listened privately in each chamber. There is no loud music that blare the house into smithereens, unless of course you are asked to play music instrument for an audience.

Children are not to be heard or seen unless their presence is requested. I was lucky that I was doted by my grandfather, his eldest grandchild, the first person he wanted to see when he came home, couldn't say my cousin was as lucky.

And although I was hugged and carried around by my grandfather every day, but as for the rest of the family, we don't show any sign of affection. We don't hug. We don't touch. We don't make physical contact. We don't cry.  

This is pretty much how I was raised.

My own immediate family is much relaxed these days. And I'd have to take credit for that. 

I am the one who taught them how to hug, when I came back to visit them while I was in Arizona, so used to hugging my friends, etc, it'd become a habit for me, since my nature is affectionate, so when I went back, the habit continued. I still remember how my parents, each stiffened, when I hugged them. Awkward. But they didn't say no to me, instead they tried to adjust, becoming more relax, these days, Mother hugged people with no problem while Father, although not as relaxed, at least could hug and be hugged by us, the rest of family with no problem.

In my stint back home between 2001-2005, I still remember my cousin from my mother's side, Bb, J's younger sister, complained that I am so "touchy-touchy because my hands moved when I talked, making physical contact like by touching the arm, touching the shoulder and it made her uncomfortable to have someone that showed [that much] signs of affection.     

And this goes with boyfriends, too.

Not that I invited many men to meet my family. If I bring a guy to my family, it means that I want my family to meet the guy, which can rightly be construed by my family that I am serious about that guy.

Which means the guy would be scrutinized even all the more by the whole family, including how he behave towards me, and if he behaved so familiar towards me, especially my body, on the first meeting with my family that's a strike against him.

And if he survived the meeting, they'd accept gradually if we'd hug, giving each other light pecks, and the gradual acceptance also had to do with how serious they deemed he was about me.

This, of course, was a crux for me, at times I found it amusing. at times I found it frustrating because if they didn't deem he was serious, they'd work on me to either make the guy be more serious or dump him. Whereas for the guy I guessed it was mostly frustrating.

But as I told those who I'd taken to meet my family, they'd been warned, and if they wanted to be with me, they'd have to learn to deal with that appropriate, meaning that they wouldn't create more problems between me and my family.

My life, at its benign state, is never not complicated. 

This is largely why I ended up as a case study.

- those on-star button in american cars.

- machines that answer your call to banks/mediaserviceproviders/

   othercustomerservicerelatedwhowantstoavoidtheircustomers-

   aftergettingthecustomersmoney.

- news channels that are being broadcasted to American citizens.

- Bush's policy on "no child's left behind".

- Bush's opinions that are turned into executive decisions.

- Bush.

- the simpsons.

-

more later.  

Dear journal,

what should you do, when you are so tired.

when life is a vast desert in which not even an oasis exists. when there is no joy. no happiness and it is getting harder to even smile. 

monday, for me, has always been the worst day in the week for as long as I remember.

Bad things always happen on Monday or worsened. 

Not sure whether I've posted about this topic or not.

If I have, that just shows how I have observed it more and more.

I watched these shows:

- Friends

- Seinfeld

- Will & Grace

- Sex and The City 

all before I moved to New York. And though I'd visited New York while I was living in Ithaca, but they were all really only "visiting" as in short term stay, doing all the things a tourist in NY would do.

Of course I found some of those sitcoms to be funny [Will & Grace, Seinfeld], I thought of their jokes really as jokes, too far out to happen in real life, that surely real people didn't have such characters....

Well.... the more I stayed here, the more I realized I was wrong.

Weird New Yorkers are real.